ash and flood

i am a mountain
of an ashtray
of a man

i am a mountain
of an ashtray
of a man
the shadow calls from valleys
in my chest
in my hands
cupped water never spills
until the cracks
in the black
night widened eyes stretch
until the sun
and i are one
encompassed in the neutron star
phase shift
thoughts drift
a black hole necklace weighs
all of me
but nothing
is glory without the blood
running water
drowning fathers
on knees at the bottom of the staircase
forgive me son
for i have sinned
your mother has all the grace
and i live in a mistake
read these wrinkles, chapter and verse
the spirit rides a white horse
across the bridge of our words
bless me
and dress me
in silk like an offering
i offer the river and the sea
i come with hands full of wondering
do you hear like me?
a slurred voice
mumbled breathing
repetition makes us mean something
handle this with gloves on
the sickness is catching
quarantined in a pill bottle
shaken
measured and refilled
i’m at the door white knuckled
praying for rain
am i washed out again?
a needle pinprick
a vial of blood
if all that’s left of you is a puddle
does that make me the flood?